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Preparing to Deliver Difficult Feedback
6 May 2025
Allison enjoyed teaching Setting Expectations and Giving Feedback and found herself making a list of her favorite resources for helping people to prepare for their hardest conversations.
Tags: allison read, communication, conflict, listening, management and supervision, thoughtful candor
Last week I taught our course, Setting Expectations and Giving Feedback, to a group of fabulous folks from many different organizations in Charlottesville and our surrounding counties. I covered our standard content on how to be an active listener, set and reset expectations, deliver and receive positive and negative feedback, and manage the anxiety difficult feedback often creates. If you’re curious about our point of view on those topics, you can get a flavor of the Allison Partners approach by reading these blog posts written by different members of our team about our favorite communication book, Crucial Conversations.
Additionally, the Center for Creative Leadership’s model, Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI)™, and these five questions can help you to prepare to deliver difficult feedback to another person in a constructive way. If you find navigating these kinds of conversations to be stressful, this short video I recorded earlier this year explains a technique that can help you stay calm and be courageous as you attempt to share thoughtful candor.
As you work to become a more well-rounded communicator, don’t underestimate the importance of learning how to accept difficult feedback and when necessary apologize in a meaningful way. We all make mistakes and how you say, “I’m sorry” matters. Whenever I need help making sure that my apology is both sincere and paves the way for relationship repair, I turn to this advice written to help children apologize. As is often the case, what’s good for kids is also good for grown-ups!
We spend much of our time at Allison Partners listening to our clients tell us about situations where people didn't meet expectations and helping them to figure out how to give that feedback. Very often we find ourselves asking, "Have you told them?" It's human nature to wonder if other people are disappointing us on purpose and to imagine they will never change, but more often than not I think most people are going about their days trying to get stuff done and assuming other people are doing the same. I'm pretty sure you aren't actively trying to disappoint people, so you've got to assume the same is true for others and find a courageous way to either share the feedback or let it go. If that feels too hard to do on your own, give me a call and I'll try to help you find your words.
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Rachel
Oct 22, 2010
If you’re interested in learning more about Switch, make sure to join Allison Partners at the Chamber Annual Business Expo on November 2nd for our series of book talks. Switch will be the featured book at 6:00pm.
Faye
Jan 10, 2011
Rachel. I couldn’t agree more that these books make excellent airplane reading; I’ve read the first and second on cross country trips and am saving the third for my next flight to CA. Your connection to the “messy” people stuff is right on, too, and while not the books’ focus, there are some interesting employer/employee story lines.
Rachel
Jan 13, 2011
“True happiness is found in simple, seemingly unremarkable things. But to be aware of little, quiet things, you need to be quiet inside. A high degree of alertness is required. Be still. Look. Listen. Be present.”
Wise words . . . and somehow easier to digest and follow when accompanied by such cute pictures!
Michael Latsko
Feb 15, 2011
Speaking of Dan Pink and the “why” of work, his latest column in the Telegraph speaks to Adam Grant’s research at the Wharton School on this same topic:
http://tinyurl.com/69368uz
Marijean Jaggers
Mar 09, 2011
This is so fantastic—I think we could all recap certain days in the Twittersphere and also come up with five memorable tweets that added value to our lives. I love that you captured your first day and that it was such a win for you. Welcome aboard Rachel—it’s so nice to have you there.
Linda Kolker
Mar 09, 2011
Your adventures are making me smile—and motivating me to re-engage with Twitter. Thanks for your great “beginner’s mind” observations.
Rachel Brozenske
Mar 09, 2011
Thanks, Marijean and Linda. It’s an adventure for sure, and I’m glad to be part of the conversation. Who knows what days 2 and beyond will bring?!
Maury Brown
Mar 09, 2011
Hi, Rachel!
Enjoyed reading from your authentic and personal voice. I learned something, too!
Cheers!
Andrea Heapes
Mar 09, 2011
Love this blog post Rachel! Congratulations on beginning the twitter journey!
Allison Partners
Mar 11, 2011
Hi Maury and Andrea,
Thanks for your comments . . . and for the encouragement to help keep me Twittering away. I’m learning new things each day.
Cathy Harding
Mar 30, 2011
Thank you for writing about this, Allison. I think an equally important question for me is what socioeconomic baggage or assumptions I bring with me. Past that, I could ask whether those assumptions help or hinder my relationships with others. Glad you got so much from the Festival of the Book.
Heather Evans
Apr 01, 2011
I started to write “We should all be so lucky to find someone as meaningful as Greer was in your life, Allison,” but I realize that luck has nothing to do with it. Your ability to go out and embrace what others turn away from is inspiring. Go out an let your light shine!
Natalie Brown
Apr 01, 2011
I know Greer would have enjoyed the dialogue, and the conversation would have been more interesting if she were involved. At Hampton (and clearly at UVA) she always did round out a conversation with “And what are you going to do about it?”. She left behind a great legacy in all the lives she touched.
Kellie S
Apr 01, 2011
Very nice Allison. When I read The Help, it made me think of my grandmother who was a domestic for a prominent white family in Gulfport, MS. She always maintained her dignity, her character and her autonomy. It was difficult at times but I truly believe she taught that family important life lessons with her presence. When she died 5 years ago, the children and grandchildren of that family attended her funeral and provided a generous gift to a charity in my grandmother’s name. It was quite touching. Thanks for honoring Greer and for sharing your story.
Susan Andrews
Apr 02, 2011
Allison, I worked with Greer at UVA. I found her to be very special, always engaging people and pulling them into a conversation that would not have existed without her unique communication style. Thanks for sharing your story and honoring Greer.
Allison Linney
Apr 02, 2011
Thanks to everyone for your comments so far. Last night at the 100 Black Men of Central Virginia event and at UVA’s Black Alumni weekend party, there were lots of observations and stories like the ones you’ve shared. It feels good to have these kinds of conversations and provacative qusetions like Cathy’s happening in many spaces. I’m grateful.
Bev Wann
Apr 02, 2011
Greer and I taught some Diversity workshops togther. I was naive and uninformed. I am grateful to her for providing me with a transformational education about racism. She lives on in my speech and actions.
M. Rick Turner
Apr 02, 2011
Thank you for sharing this wonderful tribute to Greer. I think about her often.We all miss her. You keep her spirit alive.
Allison Linney
Apr 05, 2011
Bev, I remember that naive and uninformed feeling well! Rick, it was great to see you at the 100 Black Men of Central Virignia event on Friday night. What a wonderful time we had!!
Eliza Phillips
Apr 08, 2011
Thank you for sharing. Being a mother, I am aware of the teams we need to build to make our families successful. The Help reminded me of how important it is to treat everyone with dignity and respect and to share my gratitude to all who help me along the way. Thank you again!