18 August 2026

Geof has been reading Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All the Facts by Annie Duke, a practical guide to better decision making when the future is uncertain and outcomes are shaped by both skill and luck.

In her book Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All the Facts, Annie Duke described how every meaningful decision is a bet. We choose one future while giving up others, committing resources to what we believe is most likely to happen. That framing changes the way we think about judgment and decision-making, especially in complexity. The question is not whether we can eliminate uncertainty, but whether we can make better choices while uncertainty remains.

Duke parlayed (get it) her expertise as one of the top professional poker players to explore how we make decisions under pressure. In poker, like complex challenges, we act with incomplete information, hidden variables, and luck. A good decision can still lead to a bad outcome, and a bad decision can sometimes get rewarded.

When we stop judging ourselves only by outcomes, we can start improving the quality of our thinking. Better decisions come from better calibration of our beliefs by pausing to understand what we know, what we don’t know, what alternatives exist, and what risks we are accepting. Duke used poker and other games of chance to illustrate how our cognitive biases and beliefs affect decision-making, distinguishing between outcomes and process, as well as offering tools to help us calibrate our beliefs and make better decisions.

Beliefs Are Bets, Too

We make decisions based on what we believe about the world. The problem is that beliefs often form quickly and casually. We hear something, accept it, and only later (if ever) examine whether it is true. Once a belief takes hold, motivated reasoning protects it. We look for confirming evidence, discount information that contradicts us, and interpret ambiguity in ways that preserve our existing beliefs. Blind spot bias makes this even harder because we tend to see bias in others more clearly than we see it in ourselves.

One useful question that Duke often heard around the poker table cuts through our false certainty: “Wanna bet?” The point is not to gamble; it is to reveal that every belief already carries risk. If we had to put something meaningful on the line (bet), we would ask: How do I know this belief? What is the quality of my evidence? What alternative beliefs could be true?

Better belief calibration is not a one-time correction. It is a habit of treating beliefs as provisional assumptions, exposing them to disconfirming information, and noticing when our confidence runs ahead of evidence.

One of the most damaging bias traps in poker is “resulting,” or judging a decision solely by how it turned out. If the result was good, we assume the decision was good and we are expert decision makers. If the result was bad, we assume the decision was bad or luck was against us. But outcomes are shaped by both skill and luck.

Hindsight bias compounds the problem. Once we know what happened (the result of our decision), the outcome feels inevitable. Duke introduced backcasting and premortems as approaches to calibrate our decision making before the outcome.

Plan for Multiple Futures: Scenario Planning

Backcasting, a type of scenario planning, starts with success and works backward: if this decision went well, what must have happened? Imagining the steps to success helps us better plan for and create the conditions that increase the likelihood of success.

A premortem starts with failure and works backward: if this failed, what likely went wrong? This helps us look for disconfirming data and create a more realistic picture of both opportunity and risk. It gives us permission to safely surface assumptions in our plans.

We can also create Ulysses contracts: structured precommitments, like Odysseus having his men secure him to the ship’s mast as they sailed past the Sirens. Precommitments are designed by our more rational “past self” to protect our more impulsive present self. These safeguards create “stop and think” moments before emotional reactions, fatigue, or pressure take over.

In complexity, and in gambling, no single future is certain. Instead, there are multiple potential outcomes. We can identify those possible outcomes by mapping possible futures and asking what would have to be true for each one to happen. Scenario planning makes uncertainty explicit, which prepares us to respond instead of react.

Learning Means Separating Skill from Luck

The outcomes of our decisions, both favorable and unfavorable, are feedback, but feedback only helps when we interpret it carefully. Duke introduces a simple learning loop: belief, bet, outcome, updated belief. The hard part is deciding what the outcome teaches us. That requires sorting results into skill, luck, or some combination of the two. Good outcomes can hide bad reasoning. Bad outcomes can contain strong decisions. However, we tend to claim our wins as skill and our losses as luck. When we fail to sort results and look for feedback in our decision-making process, we reinforce our existing beliefs.

The goal is to care more about missing a learning opportunity than about admitting a mistake. That psychological safety makes us less defensive and more curious. It also allows us to find errors within success and randomness within failure.

The Traps That Keep Us from Learning

Duke introduced several bias traps that protect short-term emotional comfort at the expense of long-term learning. The traps can make decisions feel safer by creating the impression of certainty. Naming the trap creates distance from it and makes it easier to return to a more objective mindset.

• All-or-nothing thinking: Treating beliefs or decisions as either completely right or completely wrong, leaving no room for calibration.
• Motivated reasoning: Interpreting information to support existing beliefs rather than updating beliefs to fit new information.
• Self-serving bias: Crediting good outcomes to skill and bad outcomes to luck.
• Hindsight bias: Seeing what happened as inevitable once the outcome is known.
• Resulting: Judging decision quality solely by outcome quality.
• Tilt: Letting negative outcomes create emotional reactions that compromise future decision-making.

Communicate in Ways That Reduce Defensiveness

Duke also introduces “truth-seeking” communication, which works to combat our own biases and lower the reputational risks of recalibrating decisions as new information emerges.

• Express uncertainty: Stating confidence levels invites others to contribute without needing to confront us. Expressing uncertainty signals collaboration.
• Lead with assent: Start with what you agree with before adding dissenting information. Leading with assent shows that disagreement does not require rejection.
• Use “and” instead of “but”: “And” adds to the conversation; “but” can feel like denial or repudiation.
• Ask for agreement to truth-seek: Some people want to vent instead of analyze; invite the right kind of conversation.
• Focus on the future: Validate the past, then shift toward what could be done differently going forward.

Bring Your Future Self into the Decision

Even when we know better, current emotions can overwhelm future interests. We overreact to recent results, chase relief, or avoid discomfort. To mitigate this, Duke suggested tools that help widen the time horizon and make the future self more present.

One simple tool is 10-10-10: What are the consequences of this decision in ten minutes, ten months, and ten years? This question slows down emotional decision-making and helps us see whether our immediate feelings deserve as much influence as they are getting.

Future-self thinking also helps with regret. If we imagine potential regrets before deciding, we can use this as information rather than punishment. And if an outcome goes badly despite a sound process, we can respond with more compassion because we know we acted thoughtfully amid uncertainty.

The Bottom Line

Thinking in bets is not about becoming detached, robotic, or perfectly rational. It is about becoming more honest, or “truth-seeking,” as Duke called it. Honest about uncertainty. Honest about the limits of our knowledge. Honest about the fact that good decisions do not always win and bad decisions do not always lose. The payoff is better learning. When we separate process from outcome, express uncertainty, seek dissent, and plan for multiple futures, we improve the odds that our next decision will be wiser than our last. In complexity, we will never have all the facts. But we can still make better bets.

4 August 2026

Allison reflected on her experience and what she learned from her fellow speakers at DisruptHR Charlottesville 2025 while getting excited for this year’s event on Tuesday, October 6, 2026.

DisruptHR began in Cincinnati, Ohio, on December 13, 2013. According to their website, a typical event has, "14 speakers, 5 minutes each, and slides rotate every 15 seconds." As of last year, 260 cities worldwide hosted their own event and that number grows each year.

It was no surprise that our Charlottesville community wanted to explore "the rebellious future of HR" and hosted its first event in 2018. Our founding organizer, Lily Garcia Walton, Chief People Officer and General Counsel of Silverchair, said, "DisruptHR events create a unique space where diverse voices converge—seasoned executives, talent disruptors, emerging entrepreneurs, and community champions. They're driven by a shared belief in human-centered leadership and the power of organizations to create meaningful change in how we work and live."

Each year I’ve attended, I’ve found myself inspired by the messages and walked away with several new things I wanted to learn more about and suggestions I wanted to try out in my own life. I’m also a big fan of the nonprofit who benefits from ticket proceeds, C4K (Computers 4 Kids). C4K has provided youth mentoring and technology programs in our region since 1999. 

DisruptHR's longtime emcee, Densie Stewart, owns Denise Stewart Coaching and has been a friend and colleague for many years. I first saw her on stage in her hilarious one woman show, Dirty Barbie and Other Girlhood Tales. Since then, I’ve learned so much from her approach to coaching and public speaking.

Last year, I was very excited to be invited to speak and the experience was powerful for me.

Our Allison Partners team blogs about public speaking, and I’ve been giving keynote speeches for more than 30 years. Sometimes they are an hour or two long and sometimes they are five to fifteen minutes. However, I’ve never had a slide number requirement (20) or had those slides advance automatically (every 15 seconds). For a short keynote, I tend to use fewer slides or no slides, and I often linger on slides to emphasize key points.

Also, I knew there would be many people in the room who were personally and professionally important to me, or who knew I speak for a living, or who I hoped might one day think about hiring me. Then they asked me to go first! I don’t typically get nervous. If I do get anxious, I think of the nerves as joyful fuel power that I harness into the calm but engaging and hopefully funny presence I aspire to bring to every speaking engagement.

I know that rarely getting nervous about speaking is a true gift, and I never take it for granted. However, six things about this particular speaking experience created new butterflies for me—the rules of the presentation format, the importance of the audience, having an unhelpful in this moment but usually "works for me" aversion to practicing, experiencing nerves I don’t usually have to deal with, being the first speaker, and the fact that my topic was meant to inspire calm while I was dealing with my own nerves. Good grief.

Thankfully, we had a wonderful coach in Dirk Petersen to help all speakers prepare and a dress rehearsal with some trusted friends in the room who helped me to get through my yips. Plus, I actually use the technique I was presenting to help me in stressful situations.

I spoke a bit faster than I wanted to, but overall, I was pleased with how my presentation turned out. I was especially grateful for a new challenge to help myself build more empathy for the clients I coach on public speaking, and I learned new tips to share with them. Also, the overall experience of being stretched to the point of feeling nervousness has improved my own teaching and speaking in the last year.  

My Fellow Speakers and Organizers with Denise in her Last Costume of the Night...A Unicorn!
Photo Credit: Jeffrey C. Gleason Photography

Clearly this experience was important for me personally, but what I remember most of all about the night are the wonderful lessons, vulnerability, courage, inspiration, humor, and practical tips from my fellow speakers. The following is a list of all our speakers in the order we spoke with links to their presentations as well as my key takeaways in italics.

1. Allison Linney, President and Founder, Allison Partners, LLC, Control Your Breath, Unlock Your Power
   Thank goodness I could use the tool I taught to help me with my own butterflies!
2. Courtney Valladares, Human Resources Director, UVA Foundation: The Courage to Care: Rethinking How We Give Feedback
   Courtney reminded us that no matter how hard it is to get and give feedback, we need to find more courage to do both because feedback is the pathway to trust. Staying silent is cruel, and being clear is kind.
3. Wilson McLean, Director of Program Development, Culinary Concepts AB LLC, 2nd, 3rd, 4th Chances and More! Inspiring Organizational Alchemy
   Wilson moved me beyond measure with his vulnerable retelling of his struggle with mental health and addiction. He then pivoted seamlessly to explaining five important things leaders can do to create organizational change based on the second chance his boss gave him and so many others.
4. Kimberlyn McDonald, HR Consultant, The Butterly Effect: My Journey of Career Growth
   Kimberlyn told two powerful stories about her volunteer efforts for young teenagers at the beginning of life and older adults closer to the end of life. She inspired me to find new energy for volunteering. 
5. Sonny Abramson, Founder, wYrks collaborative, Outsmarting the Primitive Mind: Turning Friction Into Fuel
   Sonny made us laugh while explaining why our brain’s hardwiring for survival holds us back and often makes us feel busy but not productive. He believes that even the smallest company can apply the four ways that Apple continuously transforms chaotic friction into catalytic friction.
6. Jorge Gutierrez Luthe, Senior Director, Zendesk, AI is Killing Entry Level Jobs. What’s Next?
   Jorge recommended a new way for organizations to approach entry level positions that will benefit the newest members of the workforce, create innovative solutions that elevate what humans can do at work, benefit customers, and fuel organizational success.
7. Price Thomas, Executive Director, City of Promise, From Classroom to Community: Reframing Education as a Social Issue
   Price shared compelling data to explain poverty’s impact on education and what makes it difficult for schools in Charlottesville to solve social issues. Fortunately, City of Promise has practical strategies for addressing these wicked problems.
8. Johnny Jackson, Assistant Clubhouse Coordinator, C4K, Why Procrastinate?
   Johnny spoke at the first DisruptHR as a teenager who attended Computers4Kids (C4K) in 2018 and seven years later he spoke at DisruptHR 2025 as an employee at C4K. The next time you find yourself procrastinating, Johnny’s presentation can help you find self-compassion for why you put things off and inspire you to get unstuck.
9. Ameer Shakeel, Founder and CTO, Agrospheres, Peak Moments Through Unexpected Journeys
   Ameer shared what it took for him and his friends to launch a company that is developing the next generation of environmentally-friendly crop protection products. Seven years ago, what they started at UVA as students has now received $37 million dollars in funding. Along the way Ameer learned to seek peak moments so that he could invest time in activities that align with people, planet, and purpose.
10. John Elder, Founder, Elder Research, The Crisis in Science and How to Solve it Now
    John explained that 80% of scientific studies published in reputable journals are eventually proved to be not replicable. Yikes! The good news is that John also explained how we can solve this problem while he taught us some statistics and made us laugh.
11. Rachel Schnorr, US Director, Ad Net Zero, The Transforming Power of Counter-Cultural Relationships
    Rachel didn’t make us feel guilty about the six hours a day most of spend on our phones. But she did help us to see how replacing one hour of our phone time each week with one hour of volunteering can make a huge difference in someone else’s life and ours.

I hope you’ll watch these presentations, tell me what your takeaways are in the comment section below, and join us for this year’s DisruptHR Charlottesville on Tuesday, October 6, 2026. Early Bird ticket sales end September 8. I’ll also be posting each video from 2025 for the next eleven days on Facebook and LinkedIn. Please share your favorites with your networks.

21 July 2026

Rachel enjoyed a healthy dose of "re" during her annual leadership retreat with Allison. Together, they took time to think big thoughts, contemplate powerful questions, and marvel at nature's majesty.

I spend a significant part of most weeks championing the benefits of deliberate development for leaders. Whether captured in a development plan or not, careful consideration of a desired future state and intentional action to get from here to there is the foundation of lifelong learning and growth.

At Allison Partners, Allison and I are fortunate that most years since 2012, one aspect of our deliberate development has been a retreat. It's not a hardship; usually we visit a lovely destination, we enjoy being both colleagues and best friends, and we include plenty of time for relaxation, restoration, and reimagining. Just because it's enjoyable, however, doesn't make it easy. We dedicate the time a full year in advance, we juggle calendars, we create the conditions. And then, well, then we turn on the out-of-office, quiet the noise, and enjoy.

This year found us in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. Nature did its part and gave us a full moon. Our hosts gave us comfort and care. A guide, Jaia, spent time teaching us to make malas, choose an intention, and practice the recitation of a Japa. Luckily for me, that morning I'd been reading David Gate's A Rebellion of Care and was struck by a phrase in Bedfellows: "strength & rest are not strangers." That phrase became both my intention and my meditation.

When hearing about our practice of an annual retreat, it's easy to be caught up in the pleasure and fun of it. It can seem frivolous or unnecessary and, certainly, it is a privilege to be able to invest our time and money in this kind of experience. What strikes me, though, as I recite "strength and rest" in cycles of 108, or as I deepen my own practice of leadership, is that our retreat isn't that unlike the training programs, development initiatives, or advanced studies that I support for others. So cheers to another year of our leadership development, and the progress that it fuels as we pursue both strength and rest.

7 July 2026

Barbara read How to Swear Around the World by Jason Sacher and laughed out loud plus learned some new phrases to release frustration.

The swear book was handed to me by a friend who knew it might be useful at this moment. It made me laugh and gave me a project to find just the right phrase that summed up how I feel about the state of our country and some situations the people I care about are dealing with. Scaher said certain curses “provide an outlet for the pain of a stubbed toe to anger over a tax audit or a bad call from a football ref.”

My husband and I were swearers, and yet we did not come from swearing families. In our early days together, we were both relieved that the other was not offended when we tried out a few words that were habits. I think swearing can be a way to let off steam, describe the intensity of your feeling, and have fun if the words are not directed at someone with a mean tone.

When our daughter was three, she dropped a box of cheerios and said, “Shit.” I jumped in the pantry closet and shut the door to keep her from hearing me laugh. I was astounded that not only did she know the word, she also knew the exact context for saying it. I told my husband that night, and we had to clean up our act for a while.

When our children were teenagers we said, “You can curse if you can learn where you can do it and where you can’t. You can’t swear at school, church, around your grandparents or at people. If I ever get a call from the school, your swearing days are over around us. It cannot become a habit that you can’t control in the proper places.” 

In the introduction Sacher said, “…BE WARY. Every phrase in this book is bound to insult, annoy, or inflame those who hear it, and can get you punched, deported, or worse. Remember, it’s always best to swear with caution. But also swear with joy, You’re a human being; it’s your birthright.”

My favorite three-word swear phrase rhymes and ends with the word “duck.” It is quick and comes out spontaneously when I make a mistake or life sends a lesson I’ve not been looking for. It makes me laugh and, especially, makes my daughter laugh. She said, “I bet not many people have an 80-year-old mother who says that.” I’m usually quiet at first in social settings, and I don’t drink, so I have no trouble maintaining decorum, but I’m totally relaxed around my daughter. We thoroughly enjoy a giggle every single time.

As I read the book, I realized I was mostly interested in French phrases because I took French for four years and knew how the words should be pronounced even if, with my slight southern accent, I never did quite do so properly. I didn’t want a long sentence. In Sacher’ s book, I finally found one that rolls off my tongue—“Quel Bordel!” An expanded version fits my assessment of a lot of situations right now. “Bordel de merde!” My second choice was “Casse-toi.” You’ll have to look them up or read the book if you don’t read or speak French. I won’t translate here.

Sometimes life just needs a swear word or three to release tension or properly describe a moment. If you have some favorites or find a few new ones in this book, I hope you use them wisely.

23 June 2026

Janie watched Adam Grant interview Kristen Bell on his podcast, Re:Thinking with Adam Grant.

I recently came across a podcast interview with Adam Grant and Kristen Bell, Kristen Bell on acting, therapy, and overcoming her people pleasing habit.  I enjoyed reading Adam Grant’s Hidden Potential and Kristen Bell is one of my favorite actresses, so I was curious to hear their conversation. I wasn’t sure if I would want to listen to the full interview, but it was a wide-ranging conversation full of inspiring advice and hilarious anecdotes and before I knew it, 41 minutes had passed and the interview was over.

I got hooked early on when Kristen described ordering a coffee on a flight that wasn't made the way she requested. She drinks it and then wants another cup of coffee, but she doesn’t want it made the same way because there was too much cream. Rather than simply asking for less cream, she found herself worrying about how the flight attendant might feel. Would they think she was difficult? Would she make their day harder? She not only described the thoughts going through her mind, but she got up and acted out what she was thinking, and it made me laugh out loud. Then she reflected on the experience with her coach and that helped her realize how much energy she wasted worrying about what the flight attendant might think. She also realized that by not saying exactly what she wanted, she robbed the flight attendant of the ability to get it right, and in a way, that was stealing her joy (something she never wants to do to another person). When you think about it this way, not sharing what you really want is actually rude, not considerate.  

Kristen’s example led into a discussion about people pleasing and the idea that being a people pleaser is actually kind of selfish. It often comes from a place of wanting to control the situation and people’s reactions, particularly their emotions. That's what made Kristen's coffee story so relatable. When she shared the example, it sounded a bit ridiculous (something she admitted while talking about it) but whether it's asking for the right drink or sharing an honest opinion, the challenge is often the same: trusting that we can be considerate without compromising what we need to say.

This example made me think about the first time I was promoted into a management role. Because I had previously done the job I was now supervising, I assumed I would know exactly what to say and do. What I quickly learned was that giving difficult feedback was one of the hardest parts of leadership. If a team member was disappointed, frustrated, or upset, I felt responsible for fixing it. That often meant softening my message, overexplaining, or sometimes avoiding difficult conversations altogether.

What Kristen articulated so well is that there's a difference between being kind and managing everyone else's emotions. I think many of us were taught that honesty and kindness are opposites. If you're honest, you risk hurting someone's feelings, and if you're kind, you hold back what you really think. But Adam and Kristen challenged that idea. Honesty and empathy can—and should—exist together.

To illustrate this, Adam challenged Kristen to give difficult feedback from the point of view of some of the iconic characters she has played during her career. If you’ve ever seen the show, The Good Place, I particularly loved an example when she had Eleanor talk to Michael about taking credit for one of her ideas. She also gave a powerful example as Anna of Arendelle from Frozen. Anna was talking with Elsa and said, “when you have these really heavy problems, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to carry them for you, but let’s keep them here between us and I’ll be right here beside you to help you figure it out.” I’ve found myself thinking about this example several times since watching the interview.

Being able to give difficult feedback honestly and with empathy is one of the (many) reasons I’m so grateful that I get to work with Rachel every day. If you’ve ever worked with her on anything, you know that she is fantastic at straddling this line. She gives critical feedback that is honest, direct, helpful, and kind. While I like to think I’ve gotten slightly better at delivering feedback since my initial stint as a manager, this skill is something I’m always working to improve. If you feel the same way, or if you’re also a big Kristen Bell fan, this interview does a nice job of straddling lighthearted humor with real suggestions on how to be better at this yourself. 

9 June 2026

Allison read Just 2 minutes a day of this type of exercise may help you live longer and was excited to learn about a study published in the European Heart Journal.

Whatever your age or fitness level, there’s encouraging news: a recent study published in the European Heart Journal found that people who did not engage in formal exercise but accumulated just one to two minutes of vigorous activity each day—in short bursts—had a significantly lower risk of chronic disease and death.

Really? Just two minutes? Yes, it’s true.

In his Washington Post column, Jordan D. Metzl, MD, explains how the study supports the benefits of both vigorous physical activity (VPA) and vigorous intermittent lifestyle physical activity (VILPA). During VPA, your heart rate increases, your breathing becomes more labored, and carrying on a conversation becomes a little more difficult. VILPA, on the other hand, “includes things most people don’t think of as exercise: climbing stairs quickly, carrying heavy groceries, walking uphill with purpose or hurrying to catch a train.”

I was especially encouraged to learn that something as simple as walking a little faster while carrying groceries—or adding a few extra items to each bag—can make a meaningful difference in your health over time.

I start each day by walking my sweet dog, Henry. We’re always out for at least 10 minutes and sometimes as long as 20. Recently, I’ve been following Dr. Metzl’s advice to one of his 64-year-old patients: every few minutes, I increase our pace for 20 to 30 seconds. Henry acts like it’s a fun game, and I’ve noticed an unexpected benefit. My strength training and longer treadmill workouts, which had started to plateau, have improved.

My next goal is to add a brisk walk up the four flights of stairs in our office before lunch each day. Since reading Dr. Metzl’s article in April, I’ve found myself looking for opportunities to add a two-minute burst of VPA or VILPA throughout the day. I’ve always known that a quick movement break helps reduce stress and boosts my energy in the moment. Now I have additional motivation: evidence that just a couple of minutes of vigorous effort can have a meaningful impact on long-term health—and without leaving me too sweaty for the rest of the workday.

Too often, concerns about falls or overexertion discourage older adults from exercising at an intensity that can improve longevity and help prevent age-related decline and injuries. Metzl explains why this type of activity is not only safe for older adults but can be an important part of aging well. Since reading this article, my mother has added going up and down her stairs three times a day. She holds on to the handrails on both sides to help with her balance, but that doesn’t detract from the benefit, and she’s delighted by the increased strength she can feel after just one month of this new activity.

How can you add more VPA or VILPA to your day?

26 May 2026

Geof read Peter Block’s Community: The Structure of Belonging and came away with a deeper appreciation for how transformation happens, not through big plans or distant authority, but through the conversations that create belonging, accountability, and shared possibilities.

About ten years ago I was supporting a leadership transformation program that had Peter Block as one of the central expert consultants. While I’d be honored to say we were partnering on the project, I was more bookending his work. For those who aren’t familiar, Block’s work centers on cultivating community through accountability. He defines community as “social connection through conversations that create belonging and collective agency.” More than a group, a community allows individuals to experience relatedness, shared responsibility, and the capacity to co-create an alternative future. Each of these is critical to transformation.

The group we were working with were senior leaders from around the world. Block had just finished leading an exercise, and one of the participants asked, “what are we going to do next?” Block politely deferred to the group, (and I’m paraphrasing) by saying “Rather than wait for someone to tell you what to do, I’m going to step out of the room, get myself a cup of coffee from the cafeteria, and when I return you will tell me what we are going to do.” The group was energized by the invitation.

What I realized (with great appreciation these ten years later) after reading Block’s book, Community: The Structure of Belonging, is that transformation through community is not built by big plans or distant leaders; it is created one room at a time, through the quality of the conversations we hold. This philosophy, drawn from the core ideas of Community, invites us to rethink how social transformation happens, not as a top-down process but as a bottom-up, grassroots practice of belonging, responsibility, and possibility.

From Stuck to Restorative
Many communities today feel stuck in a cycle of fear, blame, and isolation. This "stuck community" is marked by leader-centric, paternal problem-solving mindsets, and the citizens cast as each consumer or critic. In contrast, Block introduces “the restorative community,” which chooses generosity over scarcity, possibility over prediction, and accountability over control. It is a community where everyone’s gifts are recognized. Real community occurs when people move beyond transactional interactions to accountability, generosity, and recognition of each other's gifts.

Citizenship as a Practice of Freedom
True citizenship in a community is about a willingness to take responsibility for the whole. It means seeing oneself as a cause or contributor to the current state, acting without any expectation of return, and bringing marginalized gifts into the center. Citizenship becomes an engine of change, fueled by accountability and contribution. Think of Kennedy’s famous quote, “Ask not what your Country can do for you, but what you can do for your Country.”

Leadership as Convening
Leadership in this framework is about convening rather than controlling. With community, the leader’s job shifts from top-down direction to naming the situation and context, designing gatherings and conversation that embody the future we want, and listening. They create conditions for stakeholders (citizens, coworkers, or colleagues) to step into ownership and collective agency. These groups foster accountability and discovery of shared concerns, surfacing diverse perspectives and sharing ownership across the community.

Six Conversations That Build Belonging
In the book, Block introduces “The Six Conversations” (these are the foundation of the work I observed ten years ago). The conversations serve as a process that transforms isolated individuals into a connected, empowered community capable of co-creating a shared future. Each conversation plays a distinct role in moving people from separation and blame toward mutual responsibility, generosity, and authentic inclusion. The conversations include:

• Invitation: Creating a freely chosen, personal invitation that clearly states the possibility at stake. It acknowledges the hurdles to transformation and makes refusal acceptable, intentionally bringing together people who might not usually gather.
• Possibility: This conversation is a public declaration of a future distinct from the past. It begins with sharing personal crossroads that help to energize the community. The public declaration reinforces accountability.
• Ownership: Ownership moves the conversation from blame (i.e., stuck) to responsibility. It asks how individuals have contributed to the conditions they complain about and surfaces the stories and payoffs that sustain those conditions.
• Dissent: Dissent safely makes room for doubts, refusals, and resentments. It distinguishes authentic dissent from denial, rebellion, and resignation, clearing the way for genuine commitment.
• Commitment: Commitment is a promise made without expectation of return. It is most powerful when made to peers and must allow refusal without loss of membership. If one refuses a commitment, they are still free to engage with the community.
• Gifts: Conversations focused on gifts shift attention from deficiencies to capacities. They make the group more inclusive by highlighting each member’s gifts. And by each, Block means that every member has a gift to include.

The Power of Questions and Creating Space
Each of the six conversations is rooted in questions. Questions hold transformative power beyond answers. Effective questions are ambiguous and open ended, personal and relevant, and uncomfortable, confronting people with their freedom and inviting ownership and co-creation. 
 

Rather than rushing to solve or answer questions, the leader’s role is creating space for these questions resonate. Rather than solving, leaders allow deeper reflection and collective insight to emerge. This approach replaces advice with curiosity and shapes the context in which possibilities unfold.

Creating space means resisting the urge to fix or close conversations prematurely. It involves holding open the tension of uncertainty and inviting participants to explore their own meanings and commitments. This practice fosters trust, deepens engagement, and nurtures the emergence of new possibilities that cannot be anticipated or prescribed.

Together, the six conversations and the practice of asking powerful questions within spacious, hospitable contexts form the foundation for accountable, generative community building.

A Moral Commitment Beyond Outcomes
Finally, Block’s philosophy of community calls for us to act without an emphasis on results. This seems counter-intuitive, but focusing too much on outcomes can lead to coercion, control, and a transactional mindset that undermines trust and generosity. Instead, he encourages acting with generosity and accountability for their own sake, valuing the quality of relationships and individual commitments. This approach allows belonging and collective agency to emerge organically without the pressure of predetermined results, fostering a more authentic and sustainable community.

Community is an inspiring and actional “playbook” for anyone that feels stuck in engaging with others to create transformation, in their work communities, social communities, or at home.

12 May 2026

Barbara read Good Writing: 36 Ways to Improve Your Sentences by Neal Allen and Anne Lamott and learned some encouraging help for editing second and third drafts of any kind of writing—essays, memos, emails, articles, stories, and poems.

Anne Lamott has been with her husband Neal Allen for ten years. He started his career as a smart journalist and moved on to all kinds of other writing. She’s a brilliant, kind, wise ass who has had over ten books on the New York Times best seller list. They are each other’s first readers, and they greatly improve their drafts before they send them to book editors. He gave clear instructions with examples going back to Aristotle and Socrates. She contradicts some of his words especially if they get highfalutin. I chuckled each time she didn’t agree with him and laughed out loud when she wrote at the end of rule 17, “No one expects this marriage to last.”

I’ve enjoyed using AI for all sorts of research projects and recommendations, but so far, I have resisted using it to improve my writing. I think it may be that as I write my memoir, I do not want anything other than the human editors I’ve chosen to impact my voice in my writing. Therefore, you can imagine that I found myself especially excited about an old-fashioned list of 36 things to try on my own.

When Allen was first starting out, his editor at the Kingston Daily Freeman told him, “The trick is to write with your verbs.” He lived by that one rule and over the years kept adding to the list until he came up with 36. Anne Lamott has been giving his list to people in her writing retreats and to those she coaches. He decided to expound on each rule and put them in a book. When she found out what he was working on, she said—what if I react to each one and we write it together. He was not excited about it at first but then warmed up to the idea.

I was well informed with each of Allen’s rules, but I wouldn’t have kept reading if Lamott hadn’t chimed in on every item. She reinforces many of his rules and is sweetly sarcastic with the ones she doesn’t agree with. I don’t usually like teasing and believe it usually undermines safety and trust, but they are equals in this partnership and there’s an underlying warmth that somehow made it okay for me.

In the section called—"Read This First,” Allen said he’d been happy with his first rule for some time—Use strong verbs. It enabled him to have powerful ledes, tell the hard cold facts, and not be flowery. Then he read an article by R. W. Apple, a New York Times political writer, who had the front-page article on the first royal wedding in 1981:

“The 2,500 guests inside Christopher Wren’s Baroque masterpiece, St. Paul’s Cathedral, the hundreds of thousands who watched the wedding party ride in magnificent horse-drawn carriages from Buckingham Palace to the cathedral and back, and the 700 million television viewers around the world witnessed a fairy tale come to life: the handsome Prince Charles in naval uniform marrying the lovely 20-year-old Diana Spencer, daughter of an earl, amid the sort of splendor the modern world has all but forgotten.”

Then Allen said, “Here stood a hard news reporter packing information into one elegant phrase after another, and I trembled in shame.” At the at point in his career, Allen had never used such beautiful language in a news story.

I thought if he can admit to being humiliated on page two of the book, I can admit my struggle about second drafts. I love writing “shitty first drafts," Lamott’s term in her most famous book, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life. The freewriting process where anything that pops into my mind goes on the page is fun for me. If I write something I like or think might be good, I’ll put a perpendicular line in the margin and go back and type those words into my computer.

I dislike when it is time to start to organize those thoughts. I feel lazy, fuzzy brained, and not smart enough. I procrastinate. I’ve been known to pick dust out of the corners of the carpet in my office. When Allen said he was ashamed, I felt better about stalling in the early part of working on a second draft. I reminded myself that the resistance is part of my process. Once I get some reasonable order in place, I get over it, so there's really no reason to beat myself up about my procrastination.

When I finished reading their book, I was editing an essay and these rules I remembered with only one reading of the book influenced me as I was working on a second draft:

• Use and love a thesaurus to find better verbs than you had in your first draft. Example: “’We tried to go a week without Internet” could be “We hunkered down for a week without Internet.”
• But stop trying to find synonyms for “He or she said.” No one pays attention to them, and it is the best way to indicate someone is talking.
• Don’t show off and use words that people will have to look up. Recently I was working on a piece and the word deleterious popped in my head. I knew the tone was not right for the story, so I changed it to harmful.
• Replace words like—this, it, very. He quoted William Allen White, an early 20th century editor, “If you feel the urge of ‘very’ coming on, just write the word ‘damn,’ in the place of ‘very.’ The editor will strike out the word ‘damn,’ and you will have a good sentence.”
• Don’t repeat significant words close together. I’m working on my memoir and was writing a chapter about when my mother died. I had used the word “casket” twice in one paragraph. I changed one of them.

After I finished applying the rules that stuck in my head with a first reading, I reread the list of 36 rules multiple times. Allen’s 34th rule is “Break the rules.” When you’ve learned all of the rules and practiced them, then consider breaking one if it seems best for your piece but then go back to following it when you work on your next draft.

The last rule is “Worship (Talented) Editors.” Lamott said, “It is no exaggeration to say good editors are 30 percent of the reason you love the writers you do.” I am fortunate to have my daughter and my writing group as editors. They push me to do better but never so far that I feel dejected, and they make changes that honor my story and my voice. Neal and Lamott always read each other’s drafts to make the sentences stronger. Lamott said, “Almost every writer needs a partner who can look at your work with fresh eyes—you are either going to be bored with your work by the second draft and need encouragement and / or advice, or, worse, think it’s just fine and quite ready to send off to your editor that moment.”

Lamott and Neal emphasize that the 36 rules are not for first drafts or freewriting. She says we must all do anything you can to get words on paper or the screen and then polish them by applying all the rules that are appropriate. I plan to pull out the list regularly to help me be more cheerful about editing a second draft.

28 April 2026

Janie read How to deal with chronically negative people by Maggie Penman and appreciated her suggestions on how to be a better listener when dealing with someone who is chronically negative.

We all know someone who defaults to the worst-case scenario. Imagine you’re talking about dinner the night before and you blink and realize you’re in the middle of a litany of complaints. My first instinct in those moments is usually to try to reframe things to make whatever we’re discussing seem more positive. However, this isn’t always effective and lately I’ve found that sometimes it makes things worse. In a recent article in The Washington Post, How to deal with chronically negative people, Maggie Penman talked with several therapists about better ways to handle negative conversations.

Tina Gilbertson, author and therapist said, “Sometimes a person who is negative really just needs to feel like they’re being heard. If you’re up for it…listen to identify the emotions the person seems to be expressing, rather than responding to the facts of their story.”

I thought this was an interesting approach and realized that maybe I’m trying to “fix things” when what I really need to do is just listen. Since reading this article, I’ve been trying to do a better job of listening without jumping in to offer suggestions or try to reframe the conversation. I tell myself; I’m not trying to solve anything, I just want to try to understand and offer empathy. Gilbertson recommends trying to name the emotion you think you’re hearing, i.e., “It sounds like you’re feeling really worried” to hold up a mirror for the person and help them recognize what they are feeling.

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

I tried this approach recently with a colleague who was frustrated about something. Normally, I would have jumped in with suggestions or tried to reframe things. Instead, I paused and said, “It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed.” They agreed and then shared a bit more context I hadn’t been aware of. The conversation felt calmer and more productive, and I walked away with a better understanding of where they were coming from. I didn’t even need to pitch in to help or add anything to my to-do list.

This article reminded me that it’s not my job to make someone less negative or to solve what they’re going through. What I can do is listen without rushing to respond, stay curious, and resist the urge to jump in. When I focus on understanding instead of fixing, the entire tone of the conversation shifts, and that’s often what makes the biggest difference.

31 March 2026

Rachel was inspired by David Gate’s words in A Rebellion of Care: Poems and Essays and started noticing more opportunities for quiet rebellion in everyday life.

Over the past year, I’ve been in countless conversations about the pace of change, the polarization of communities, the challenges of ambiguity, and the perils of daily life. While I count myself lucky to be safe and warm and privileged, it’s exhausting. Since staying under the covers seems like a poor strategy, I’ve found myself seeking (and sometimes finding) things that bring solace and direct energy more constructively. Little spots of light that enable resilience and action.

In the introduction of A Rebellion of Care, Gate wrote: “...the most important thing is for us to care for the world, ourselves, and each other. And more, to do so is a radical position... I am interested in radicalizing us into a different kind of life—a life of unrelenting care.” When I first saw a snippet of his work last year (on Instagram, of all places), a poem stopped me in my tracks. I found Gate’s website and subsequently his book has found a home on my desk. (I’ve even traveled with it, and if you know how little I like carrying stuff, you know that’s saying something.)

As much as the individual writings and poems, this notion that the very act of caring amid and in spite of a sometimes mixed-up world is in itself rebellious feels almost liberating. I didn't know that I needed a “permission slip” to rediscover that care is an ethical and often courageous act. At times when things feel “too much,” I appreciate Gate’s reminders of human idiosyncracy, and the reflection that sometimes power resides in nuance rather than proclamation. And that, sometimes, two opposing things can both be true.

from David Gate, A Rebellion of Care, page 187

Despite all those conversations I’m part of, I don’t know that I’ve found or revealed any clear answers. The world might swirl, but I still show up. I still try to listen with curiosity and compassion. I still work to make each day a little bit better. And now, I get the satisfaction of feeling just the slightest bit rebellious while I do it.